The Young Blonde Joke
A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears. She sobs, "Robert doesn't appreciate what I do for him!" "Now, now," her mother comforted, "I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding." "No, mother," the young woman laments. "I bought a frozen turkey loaf and he yelled at me about how much I spent on it." "Well, that is being miserly," the mother agreed, "Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars." "No, mother it wasn't the price of the turkey roll, it was the airplane ticket." "Airplane ticket? What did you need an airplane ticket for?" "Well mother, when I went to cook it, I read the directions on the back and they said, "PREPARE FROM A FROZEN STATE," so I had to fly Alaska."
The English Teacher Joke
An English teacher asked her class to write an essay on what they'd do if they had a million dollars. Alec handed in a blank sheet of paper. "Alec!" yelled the teacher, "you've done nothing. Why?" "Because if I had a million dollars, that's exactly what I would do!"
The School Joke
"You probably know of those "walking to school" stories ... I walked to school each day, 5 miles, uphill, both ways, barefoot, in the snow ..... Well, when I was a kid, I really did walk 10 miles to school every day, sometimes in the rain or snow. Man, did I feel stupid when I found out there was a bus."
The Lawyer Joke
One day in Contract Law class, a Professor asked one of his better students, "Now, if you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?" The student replied, "Here's an orange." The professor was livid. "No! No! Think like a lawyer!" the Professor instructed. The student then recited, "Okay, I'd tell him: "I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, claim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with, or without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding, domestically or internationally..." X_______________sign here
The Student Joke
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point." The next class period, the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $64 change.
Last Will Joke
A man hears from a doctor that his end is near so he heads over to a lawyer to write a will. The secretary watches as the man walks into the Lawyer’s office and as three minutes later the man walks off in a huff. “Can I help you?” asks the secretary, dashing after the obviously upset man. “HELP ME? THIS GUY IS CRAZY! I asked him to help me write a will and he says to me: ‘sure, let me just ask you a few questions and then leave it all to me.’ “I’ve heard before how lawyers are dishonest but this just takes the cake!”
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